The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing!
I wonder does former Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim Zolciak, still think that after she got hers two years ago? In fact, he put a ring on it after she stopped living off someone else and started bringing in the big bucks from Bravo. My inspiration for this post, however hits a little closer to home as it comes from a girl talk with a girlfriend of mine…let’s call her “Christine” for anonymity sake. Christine and I were catching up the other day laughing at a prediction gone wrong. You see, at the beginning of last years, either she or I made the prediction that her boyfriend would pop the question in 2012. During our girl talk, she revealed that she asked her boyfriend the money and relationship questions discussed in the post 5 Financial Questions you Should Ask Your Significant Other Today to open up lines of communication about money and their future as a couple. Our conversation then led to people who lie about their finances to a significant other.
Sure, like Christine, you and your boyfriend could have talked about marriage, but that doesn’t mean he has been secretly studying up on Tacori, now does it? If being engaged in a certain period was a similar goal and that didn’t happen, let’s examine one major possibility… a.k.a. your financial situation. While I am very open about my personal financial situation with you (SMC readers), my family, and the Mr., I know that everyone is not so comfortable talking about money. Many people were raised to think that frankly, discussions of money are just plain rude. Although I must agree with financial journalist, Jean Chatzy, who advised in article for the Winter 2013 edition of Martha Stewart Weddings that you should “never STOP talking about money”. People list money as the top reason they fight and they confess hiding financial information from their spouse, but if you are planning on a successful marriage and not just a wedding, then you should be able to talk about anything- especially money!
Things to Consider:
Know You Before He Can Know You. This is the epitome of money and relationship advice. On the financial side, you can’t share accurate information about your finances, if you don’t know your current situation. Check your credit score. Keep track of your debt. He can’t know your debt until you know it, just like he can’t fully know you until you know yourself.
Be Open. You may be fluent in your love language, but how is your financial fluency? One thing I had to learn with the Mr. is to truly engage in communication you have to be willing to talk as much as you listen. Give as much as you ask and be prepared to hear things you may not like. Relationships thrive on open lines of communication. Again, if you plan on jumping the broom, you have to be ready to talk about everything, including those stupid financial decisions you made in your early 20s that you are still paying for…literally.
Great Expectations. The 6 carat dream on the .25 carat budget. I have another friend whose boyfriend told her, he was not proposing to her because he couldn’t afford the rings she was pinning on Pinterest. Does she really expect a celebrity ring? No. Does her boyfriend have a point? Yes…well, maybe. Yes, he has a point because he doesn’t want to disappoint you. Maybe, because Pinterest is like an online vision board of awesomeness where you group images that you like that lead to articles that you love (follow SMC on Pinterest). Why not pin pretty things?
Tick Tock, Gotta Beat the Clock. I’ve heard women say, including myself, that they want to be engaged to be married by [insert date/age here]. For many, the race is more so against the clock than against the Joneses. How many of you put a similar emphasis on paying off student loans, credit card debt, protecting your investments, or living debt free? Maybe he is not ready. Maybe you both aren’t ready as you think you are. I will say that you need to make sure your ducks are in a row. Wouldn’t be lovely, when the time comes, to go into a marriage with no financial surprises. In my opinion, that is WAY better than a ring…but that’s just my two cents.
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